Story of my First NFL Game Ever! (It's a Doozy)

(This is based on a true story. I say “based” because as you will see, my memory of these events are shotty at best.)

It was Monday, October 11, 2010. The country has changed so much since then. The world has changed so much since then...I’ve changed so much since then.

Let me paint you a mind picture. The Green and White New York Jets were playing the Purple and Gold Minnesota Vikings and I was going to attend this game as my first NFL game in my life. Duke, his brother Joe, his girlfriend Joe and Nick had all both tickets together and planned on having a great time.

We planned and God laughed.           

We got there hours early to tailgate. We didn’t have a parking pass so we parked in the lawn of a nearby hotel. It was close and there were a bunch of other cars so we were happy and started setting up our pregame party.

The weather was the perfect tailgating type of weather. Sun was shining and for October, it was pretty warm.

I love to grill. It’s a man thing. Cooking the dead flesh of an animal. Will anything make you more of a man than that? Maybe just eating the dead flesh without cooking it, but you’d probably end up dead that way. Though you’d die in the manliest way possible.

SPECIAL EDITION: DRAFT DAY DRINKING GAME

Draft Day is here!

I love the NFL Draft. It provides a chance for any team to begins rebuilding their team. Unless you are the Browns. I don’t care if Kevin Costner is your GM, you haven’t had a good draft in forever. (Note: This year the Browns hold 2 first round picks! I wouldn’t get too excited fans. Last time that happenedthey drafted Trent Richardson and Brandon Weeden. They are both no longer on the team.)

The Jets used to be notoriously bad at drafting. Skipped over Warren Sapp for Kyle Brady. Skipped over Dan Marino for Division II player Ken O’Brien who SUCKED! Here are some other choices. You don’t have to watch the whole video, but the fans reactions are pretty great.

"It's obvious to me that the Jets just don't understand what the draft is all about" - Mel Kiper Jr.

I came up with a drinking game for the draft a last year and thought I should share it with the world. I removed the old rules about Manti Te’o and his fake girlfriend, but kept some older rules that might be outdated, but could still happen.If I think of some good ones later in the day, I'll update this post.

So grab a drink and enjoy!

Pet Peeves

Life is annoying, isn’t it? I mean there are good parts to it; sleeping, eating, drinking, orgasming. These things are great but unfornutately there’s other things in life you have to deal with and some of these things are very annoying. There are BIG things that can definitely get to you, but today I want to discuss the small annoyances. I want to discuss Pet Peeves.

(Before I get started I wanted to make this declaration. I realize that I have my own Pet Peeves and I also realize that everyone else in the world has their own. What may annoy me may not affect another person and vice versa. I will probably come off as entitled and pompous in this post, which is likely to happen when you spend an entire post complaining about minute problems. I don’t want you to think that I don’t have any self-awareness of my own habits that irritates other people. Basically what I’m getting at is that I’m about to complain a lot about nothing so just deal with it)

Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines Pet Peeves as:

Pet peeve -  n.  1)(pronounced pet pee-ve) When a pet urinates and the resulting fluid looks like a “V” on the ground. There are also pet pee-a, pet pee-be...all the way to pee-ze. The pee-ve for some reason became the most common among household pets. Scientists hypothesize it might be a viral campaign started by dachshunds.

2) (pronounced pet peeve) When you pet gets really mad at you (ex. “Don’t try giving Fido a bone. He looks really pet peeved off right now.”)

These definitions are great and all but it’s the next one that I want to cover.

3) something that bothers or annoys the bejesus out of you.

Everyone has their own pet peeves. It could be someone whistling, the sound of someone clipping their fingernails, or someone murdering you. There are small things in life that will just drive you nuts. For me, among many things that bother me, there’s one that stand above the rest. It’s saying “God Bless You.” I HATE IT! HATE IT! HATE IT! HAAAAATTTTEEEE IT! This seems like a dumb thing to let get to me so much, but I actually have good reason to hate this phrase.

I AM DAVID! HERE ME ROAR!

                Willkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome. Mein Damen und Herren, Mesdames et Messieurs, Ladies and Gentlemen! Guten Abend, bon soir, Wie geht’s? Comment ca va? Do you feel good? I bet you do! Ich bin euer Confrecier, je suis votre compere, I am your host! Und sage…Willkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome. Zu Meine Blog. Por mon Blog. TO MY BLOG!

                I’m making my glorious return to blogging. When you come to this blog you leave your troubles outside. Life is disappointing? Forget it! We have no troubles here! Here life is beautiful, the girls are beautiful…even the orchestra is beautiful!

                Stop stop stop! Cut the music! That’s enough Broadway musical numbers for one post and if I continued I’d probably be crossing into copyright infringement territory and honestly I really can’t afford another lawsuit with Liza Minnelli.

                I’m BACK! I’m every type of back there is. Back in Black. Back in the New York Groove. Back to the Future. Back Dat Ass Up! Back in the Saddle. Back in the USSR. Looking out my Back Door. It’s all Coming Back to Me Now. I Won’t Back Down. Back in the High Life Again….Britney’s Back Bitch!