Best Ways To Win Any Argument

Fucking people! Who do they think they are? Always standing and walking around on their two hind legs like a bunch of Rory Calhouns! With their dumb opinions about GOD KNOWS WHAT! I have to listen to some Muff Shit tell me why he likes or hates Obama! Well FUCK ME TO GOD DAMN TEARS! So let's teach these Sphincter Whores a lesson! Let's beat the in their own game!

My Best Ways to Win Any Argument 


1. Pay the other person off

Everyone likes money, everyone needs money, and everyone has a price. Even those One-Percenters want more money. Greed is good so why not take advantage. Some prices may be higher than others depending on the argument. A religious nut job probably wouldn't denounce their God/Gods for less than a few thousand dollars. A Star Wars nerd wouldn't say Star Trek was better without getting a nice chunk of change. A good idea for this strategy is to pay the other person off before the argument even starts. Once you realize that your simple comment that "Return of the Jedi" was better than "Empire Strikes Back" is beginning to get your friend very heated, pull out your wallet. The longer you wait, the more intense the argument will get and therefore will increase the price of a payoff. Be sure to be able to pay the agreed upon amount. If you can't, you lose the argument and look like a dick.

That guy just lost an argument

Pros: Can easily end any argument. Works on anybody
Cons: Not a great choice for poor people. Negotiation on prices could lead to another argument.