Things That I Hate #1: Popcorn Jelly Bellys

"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and Popcorn Jelly Bellys." - Martin Luther King Jr

Note: I have no idea what the plural of Jelly Belly is. You'd think it was Jelly Bellies, but as the name Jelly Belly is trademarked it could also be Jelly Bellys. I've chosen to use "Jelly Bellys" for this post, but if any of you learn the real answer, please let me know and I'll update this. Thank you.

Enough is enough! I'm sick of it. This has gone on too long. Cue Twisted Sister's "We're Not Gonna Take It." This white and yellow little shit! It's disgusting. It's ungodly. It's inhumane. And it needs to go. I'm talking of course about the Popcorn Flavored Jelly Belly.

Let me say I love candy. I LOVE IT! I take my candy very seriously too. I have my whole life. It's delicious and sugary and comes in so many varieties. From Gummy Bears to Sweet Tarts to Mike & Ike's to Twizzlers. There's a candy for everyone. Candy doesn't discriminate. It embraces and loves.

Except for one.

I’m not sure if there’s a God. I don't know what happens when we die; if there is an afterlife or not. If there is a heaven and a hell and I end up in the hotter one, I'd be tortured with hot coals and thrown into lava along while being sodomized by endless amounts of demons all while being force fed Popcorn flavored Jelly Bellys.

Might as well be a cyanide pill