Fantasy Football Lineup

(Singing) It's the most wonderful time of the year!

Football is almost here and that means that so is fantasy football!

I love fantasy football. Absolutely love it. But, it is definitely more Football than Fantasy if you ask me. I want a team that has a roster of anyone I want. Alive or dead. Real or Fake. Ben Franklin would be a terrible football player, but if I wanted, he could be on my team.

I realize this is my fantasy, but I do have some rules for this:

1) I have to set a full fantasy lineup. This league will be  1 QB, 3 WR, 2 RB, 1 TE, 1 W/R/T, 1 DEF, 1 K

2) I have 6 Bench spots I can fill anyway I want.

3) The team I've created is unbelievable. If this were an actual Fantasy league with a draft I highly doubt I'd be able to get everyone I did on my roster. But it's my fantasy so we'll have to look past it.

Lineup with Scouting Report

QB – Optimus Prime

Imagine that bullet being a football

Who better to lead a team than Optimus Prime. You can expect him to not only throw the ball for over 4,000 yards, but also transform into a Mack Truck and put up huge rushing numbers as well. Here’s a QB be that will have few turnovers and never lose a game. He is the best leader you'll find on Earth or Cybertron.

Dave Sings The Hits! Walking On Broken Glass

It's Saturday so let's have some FUN!!!

DAVE SINGS THE HITS IS BACK!!!

The first video got so much positive feedback I figured I'd do another one. Now I chose not to do Little Shop of Horrors again (though I do have recordings of myself singing most of the songs from the movie). This time I went with something more upbeat.

Ladies and Gentleladies,

Annie Lennox's "Walking On Broken Glass"

Note: Youtube says this is copyright infringement, so I have just uploaded it through blogger.

Favorite Movie Quotes

Movies are wonderful. Stories that let you leave your troubles behind for just a couple of hours while you lose yourself in a whole new world. I've seen tons of movies in my time and I wanted to share some of my favorite lines from a few of them. I'm sure you'll remember them exactly as I do.

The Usual Suspects

"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And making people do terrible things to each other. And spreading disease. And possessing people...Well he IS the Devil. Let's agree that he does a lot of bad horrible things. That's like his whole thing. That's why he exists. It's all about deception and tricks for that guy. Not me though. Not good old Verbal Kint. I’m just a regular dude over here. I don’t even know any tricks. I do eat Trix sometimes but that’s mostly to piss off my pet rabbit... And just like that, poof, he’s gone. The devil that is. Not my pet rabbit " - Verbal Kint/Keyser Soze

Reader Mailbag

It's MAILTIME!

Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these emails from coming to me. I'm thrilled that I not only have fans, but fans that actually write into me. It really is an incredible feeling knowing that there are people out there seeking my advice. I don't want to stay that I have all the answers but I would like to think I can help you find answers. On to our letters!



Dear Dave,

First time writer, long time reader. I was hoping your unique POV could help me with a problem I'm having trouble with. You see next week is my girlfriend's birthday. I told her I wanted to make her a nice dinner and then we could go out with friends to the bar. I was in between making her Pan-Seared Scallops on Linguine with Tomato-Cream sauce OR Deviled Crab Boules with Beurre Blanc.

Unfortunately I just found out that she was cheating on me. Literally yesterday I walked in on her going down on my best friend. I started going nuts and beat the hell out of my boy. She kept saying how sorry she was and that she was just really drunk. Apparently she's drunk a lot cause I then found out not only was that NOT the first time she gave my buddy a blowjob, but she was sleeping with basically all of my friends. I really don't know what to do anymore. I can't stand to look at any of my friends in the eye. I thought I could trust these guys. How can I ever trust another girlfriend again? How can I ever trust a friend a gain? So Dave, I'm asking you, what should I do?

Martin, 28, Florida